Healthy sex requires consent, without exception.
I thought there was implied consent in every sexual or almost every sexual encounter I had. Not my consent. Their consent to be my boyfriend from the post-coital moment on.
You can imagine my disappointment and confusion when this was never, or at least very rarely, the case.
When I was 13 I had sex with a 19-year-old boy. He did not gain my consent. That story has perpetually haunted me.
In our society having a legal age of consent asserts that no sexual activity involving a minor is ever consensual, regardless of the circumstances.
I see 13-year-old girls today and I am horrified about what I endured. And not just that night with Leaf, but for the rest of my life with almost every man I encountered and conquered. Reliving and replaying that original shame.
I had the strangest fetish experience completely sober right before I met my husband. I had met this guy, knew him for a while actually, and we went out on one date. One simple little dinner date that turned into three months of sex hell. I am still somewhat baffled as to how that digressed so rapidly but it did. And the strangest thing about it, looking back, wasn’t so much the weird sex shit, but that he never gained my consent beforehand. We never discussed things or made safe words or any of that. He just went for it. Choking, slapping, spitting etc.. and I let him. I LET HIM. I hated it and I let him. And then I went back for more. Knowing I hated it, telling him I hated it, and thinking that if I could just get him to stop it, I will have won. And he would then fall madly in love with me. Which of course, never happened.
Now THAT is some twisted fucked up love addicted shit right there.
Today seek other’s consent in all your interactions. Avoid unilateral decisions, ask for input, and listen with respect and care.
I think I get too much input. I need to make more unilateral decisions. I’m super impressionable and push over. I need some balls. I’m flipping this one on its head. I’m going gain less consent and start taking and doing what I want. FOR ME.