IMPOTENCE

Doesn’t mean only what you think it means!

Anxiety about how we look to others is the enemy of psychic freedom.

In fact, the moment we step outside ourselves into self-consciousness, we become impotent.

Some shamanic cultures believe that when we compare ourselves to others we steal a piece of their soul and abandon our own.

Whoa. I get this. I get this on a really deep level.

I was really annoyed lately when my mom sent me a video of this youngish good-looking couple talking about their relationship and how they communicate and work through everything.

I wanted to throw my computer across the room.

First of all, they looked like they could be brother and sister, you know that kind of couple? Like they are twin souls or something???

And then how many guys do YOU know that would be capable MUCH less WILLING to not only talk about their relationship with you but on camera? For the whole internet to see?

They are just begging for my cynicism.

I hate them.

Then I paid the woman to give me an intuitive life coach reading.

Where she told me that although my marriage was good, it would never be great.

Not great like hers was, obviously.

And that there was a great relationship right around the corner waiting for me if I could just make myself available for it.

Fuck that and fuck her.

I thought.

I feel myself stealing her soul as I write this. Like jack on top of the bean stock in the giant’s gold.

My own soul is withering away.

Maybe I don’t want great? What is great anyhow? ???

I decided that I was tired of looking for and waiting for the next great relationship to heal me and make me whole. I have watched my mother chase that dragon her entire life, and I have been guilty of the same.

No relationship has been great.

They have all been really shitty, to be honest.

At least this one is good.

I will take good.

I will run with it.

I will stop comparing myself to this ideal wonderful beautiful couple. Who, like me, are only doing the very best that they can to be the very best that they can be.

I’m such a dick.

I will stop my leaking soul.

leak

 

 

 

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