How blissful do you feel in your own body?
I have this nasty habit of disassociating from my body whenever anything emotional comes up. I get sort of spacey and light headed. My eyes feel really heavy and all I want to do is lie down and take a nap. I struggle with explaining myself in these times.
The main focus of my mindfulness practice has been to feel my body, all the sensations arising and falling, and not to judge them, but to merely witness with equanimity. Sounds so easy, right? Takes lifetimes.
So- in lieu of that- and the eons of self-hatred I have endured, I must say that today, this exact day. I feel pretty fucking good in my body. Surprisingly!
I did yoga this morning. I have run and walked in the past two days. I am lean and still curvy. I am strong. I am a woman. I am about to be 42 years old and I could finish a trail marathon if I had to.
That is pretty amazing.
My body gave birth to another human being.
I fucking LOVE my body!
Now, I just wish someone, preferably my husband, but at this point, I am considering other takers, would love my body up.
I hate feeling untouched when I feel this good.
It’s slightly dangerous for me.
I cheated on my ex-husband the last time I felt like this.
It wasn’t worth it.
But I was also drinking heavily at the time.
I don’t ever want to live through that kind of humiliating shame again.
I had no problem finding my erogenous zones when I was little. The problem was, for me, that no one told me I should do it in private.
I used it to soothe my anxiety.
All The Time.
I thought I had a problem. Up until I gave birth. The anxious need to touch myself would come on so intensely in the strangest of places- taking a test, waiting room of a doctor’s office, driving in traffic- and more likely than not, I would find some way to scratch that itch. It was compulsive. Maybe a little obsessive.
Notice all the sensations in your body and note which areas respond most pleasurably to touch.
I am my own best lover.
Discover a new pleasure zone today and share it with the one you love.
I don’t think my 3.5 year old daughter needs to have this shared with her.
The people that wrote this book obviously don’t have young children.
I’ve spent the entire day entertaining a toddler.
My pleasure zone looks like me binge watching House of Cards after she’s asleep.