One of the greatest gifts people can give their partners and themselves is to love them and, at the same time, let them go. Autonomy is not the opposite of attachment. It’s a teammate.
I am reading this book, Mating in Captivity, and it talks about how it is unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill all your needs and that our current Western marriage paradigm is setting people up for failure on a grand scale. In the old days, one married for companionship, comfort, and security. Then they found passion on the side. Theoretically, passion and desire are mutually exclusive.
In the book, Sex at Dawn, they talk about our biological need for non-monogamy. Especially during ovulation, a woman wants to mate with a genetically superior male to the one she has. I have experienced this. Many, many, many, times.
So what is the answer?
Is it non-monogamy? Is it polyamory? Is it open-marriage?
Is that letting go?
Let them go.
Risk being bold and tell your lover your fantasies!
We already went over this. My fantasies would scare a grown man. And you need a lover to tell fantasies to.
I have a husband that acts like a roommate. A roommate I am raising a child with.