DISTANCE

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

My husband has always traveled a lot for work. When we met, we talked about traveling together. It was one of the things I fell in love with about him. The idea of traveling with him. We even had a trip to Scotland and Brazil planned when the little blue clear and easy stick radically altered our world. It’s been almost five years and we haven’t left the country. We’ve only traveled to see family. He still travels. My heart used to grow very fond of him when he left. I missed him so. But this last trip he took was the first one where I was glad he was gone. And not as happy when he returned.

But distance can conveniently create aloofness- an emotional space for disconnection. 

There are people out there that prefer long distance relationships. I find them alien to me. My dysfunctional need for closeness and attachment precludes me from enjoying whatever these people like about that. Which I am sure are some pretty great things. Things I would like. Like time to yourself, time to get shit done, time to miss your lover.

The key to maintaining a healthy distance is for both partners to maintain their individuality while under the same roof. 

I spend so much time contorting myself to be what I think they want me to be that I forget who I am.

Commit to developing yourself, and risk sharing who you are with your partner, even when it threatens the illusion of security on your relationship. Dare to be yourself in proximity to your lover.

I risked sharing the most vulnerable parts of myself with my husband when we went through a crisis. It didn’t go well. He attacked me as if we were a pack of wolves and needed to weed out the weakest.

Don’t run away; instead, stand still. 

I think they call that deer in the headlights.

deerinheadlights

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