COMPERSION

The one guy I found attractive on OkCupid finally responded to the message I sent him!

I can’t explain how happy that makes me.

He is married, has a dog and a young daughter, lives down the hill, is an artist and is experimenting with non-monogamy as well! Could he be any more perfect for me?? No. He could not. I might have squealed a little bit and jumped up and down when I read his message. I might have. But no one was watching, so there is no proof.

God, he is so attractive and witty! I can tell he is smart and funny. Super stoked about that. While making dinner together, My Husband wanted to know why I was so happy. I told him that this guy I had reached out to a few days ago finally reached back and responded. I was a little nervous about how My Husband would react, but he seemed genuinely excited for me as well! Compersion! This is what they are talking about! Compersion; when your partner gets a thrill out of you being excited about another person. Man. It is so cool. I think I love this shit!

The Ninja keeps asking for naked photos of me. I don’t want to send any. The mere request is making me uncomfortable. I think I will just ignore him for now.

I spoke at an AA meeting tonight about fear; the absence of, the acceptance of.

How the flip side of anxiety is passion and drive.

How meditation has brought me to a place of equanimity with all parts of myself.

But what I left out was how by turning around and facing my fear of abandonment with my husband, by saying let’s abandon each other and this marriage as we know it and create something totally new, I have found greater security and stability than I could ever have predicted.

Something so comfortable and close.

Our connection eluded me until we found a way to disconnect and reconnect on our terms with unconditional love and support.

The future feels so uncertain in a very exciting and fresh way.

I can’t wait to see what happens!

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