I had a breakdown of epic proportions today at work.
My husband was renting a desk in our office for the past month, but he moved everything out over the weekend. Today was the first day I had been in there since his stuff was gone.
I had no idea it would affect me so.
After witnessing the empty desk and corner he occupied with such fervor and aplomb, I walked numbly down the stairs and into my car. I put the key in the ignition and when I went to put the car in reverse, found I could not move. I was frozen. My body would not allow me to touch the gear stick.
I couldn’t handle one more thing changing. One more thing moving.
The only thing I could control was my body in space and time.
I sat there, in my parking space, for twenty minutes and sobbed.
Waves of grief spilled over me and through me.
I called someone at some point. They tried to help. They were useless. But at least I tried.
Eventually I put the car in reverse, and I left.