BREAKING DOWN

I had a breakdown of epic proportions today at work.

My husband was renting a desk in our office for the past month, but he moved everything out over the weekend. Today was the first day I had been in there since his stuff was gone.

I had no idea it would affect me so.

After witnessing the empty desk and corner he occupied with such fervor and aplomb, I walked numbly down the stairs and into my car. I put the key in the ignition and when I went to put the car in reverse, found I could not move. I was frozen. My body would not allow me to touch the gear stick.

I couldn’t handle one more thing changing. One more thing moving.

The only thing I could control was my body in space and time.

I sat there, in my parking space, for twenty minutes and sobbed.

Waves of grief spilled over me and through me.

I called someone at some point. They tried to help. They were useless. But at least I tried.

Eventually I put the car in reverse, and I left.

Divorce sucks.

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