PLACES, PLEASE

What does is mean to be a “second” in this polyamorous world?

I have been looking for directions on how to be “second” but can’t find the handbook anywhere.

The story of my life; searching for the missing handbook on how to live it.

Here is what I can deduce from my limited experience thus far.

I am NOT the most important woman in my lover’s life. Highland Park’s wife, is, and always will be, number one. She is the primary. My needs, wants, desires come “second.” Which was painfully clear the night he came over and had to go because he felt guilty leaving her on a Sunday evening to be with me, even though she encouraged him to do so.

Sundays are “family days.”

Every time he and I meet, it must be green lit by her first, which is sexy in its transparency but frustrating in reality.

Sometimes I just want to see my lover when I want to see him, and not wait for the thumbs up, which can take days. Which worked  nicely for me, at first. But lately, has begun to feel kind of fucked up and painful.

I am not sure if this is how other poly couples do it, but this is how we do, and I realize how easily I slip into the role of second and why it is so comfortable for me. I have never been first. I have never been someone’s primary.

Beginning with my mother.

I always felt second to her husbands and my older brother.

My boyfriends always seemed to have these bigger than life ex-girlfriends I could never compete with.

Even My Husband. He was “best-friends” with his ex.

I know my place.

Second place.

My polyamorous situation fits nicely with the stories I tell about myself.

I have an inkling, though that it might be time to change the story.

I am ready for first place.

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