Polyamory sucks today.
Highland Park canceled last minute today with no rescheduling because his wife wanted him to take the car in, or some other stupid domestic bullshit like that.
I feel so easily disregarded as “second.”
I want to be someone’s primary.
I want someone to love me like he loves his wife.
As a “second” I don’t know how to ask for what I need or what I want. I am constantly aware of how my words and actions might affect his wife, and I want to be respectful.
I want to share with him things from my life.
But I don’t.
I want more connection.
I think I am worthy of more.
Don’t go too far now.
Just go to bed.
I am having a riotous self-pity party because Highland Park had to cancel and couldn’t stop by tonight.
Not gonna lie.
I may not be tough enough for this job.