NOT DONE WITH YOU YET

 

What I finally wrote was: Thank you for letting me know. I miss seeing you too. I hope you are well.

I am such a wuss.

I cried that whole day on and off. Felt so sorry for myself and abandoned forgotten and alone.

Then Monday came and during my staff meeting he chirps in on text with: Hi- how are you?

I smiled and squirmed. I also waited. For like an hour. Then I said something about not knowing how I am and that it felt like I hadn’t seen or heard from him in ages but I was prone to being hyperbolic.

He agreed and said it felt like ages for him too and could we talk on the phone later?

You bet your sweet ass we could.

We spoke for almost an hour later that day. I cried. He was empathetic and compassionate. He felt bad that he couldn’t give me more of him. He felt stuck between making sure his wife was okay with everything and that I also felt okay about everything except, of course, her being okay is the priority. And she is not totally okay with everything it seems. She has her moments. We all do.

But he did convey his feelings about me in a way that made me feel appreciated. And that was enough.

The shot in the arm.

I said everything I needed to.

I ended with knowing I was not done with him yet.

5 thoughts on “NOT DONE WITH YOU YET

  1. It’s funny because as a woman who loved a married man I can totally feel your pain, I remember that longing. And now as a woman in an open marriage, with a single boyfriend, I totally get HP’s position as well. I adore my boyfriend and constantly think of him but can’t keep up with the intensity and level of contact as early on because it’s just not fair to my husband and family. It’s a huge juggling act but not personal against the boyfriend (or you in your circumstance), it’s just the situation. Your job is to determine if you can live with it. I know I have felt so incredibly sad for my boyfriend and I am sure Highland Park feels the same.

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    1. It’s so true- it is incredibly complicated and I can feel his remorse at not being able to give me what I need. I am not sure who comes out of this situation unscathed? The wife? Your husband? I feel for HP and I feel for me. And the question of whether or not I can continue is the one I keep asking myself. Is it worth it? I don’t have an answer yet. If my connection to him was only physical, then I would say hell no. But there is this emotional and mental connection that blows my mind and is making this so much harder than I ever anticipated.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t think my husband or his wife are unscathed. When they see us (their spouse) on the phone texting with a grin on our face or a little twinkle in the eye, it has to feel weird on some level, no matter how into polyamory they may be. I think there is possibly some sense that they want us to be present with them when they are with us. Just as you would want HP fully present with you when you are with him. I am only new to this, so I have no real clue..lol..but I do know it’s way more emotionally complicated than I was prepared for!!!

        Liked by 1 person

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