Saturn. A massive slow-moving planet that is infusing my mind heart and body with a heaviness I can not shake.
If I could, I would sleep the week away.
Instead, I am entertaining my darling four-year-old when I can barely keep my head up.
Everything feels so damn heavy. Dark. Deep. And full of despair. My mother says it is because Saturn is in retrograde. Whatever that means. I blame Saturn.
Spoke to a spiritual advisor that told me to get my shit together, stop fucking around with pot and alcohol, they are low energy and find a support group that isn’t AA. Thanks. I needed to hear that.
I feel like I am waking up from a limerence binge.
I binged out on Highland Park. And now I am hung over.
And it sucks.
But at least, I am sober.
I get to feel every fucking bit of shame and regret. Embarrassment.
I am dreading seeing his wife in yoga tomorrow night.
Kill me now.
He is such a dick. He is not even that hot. He sends me a random email out of nowhere and then disappears like herpes. I feel the chemicals soar through my body straight into my crotch when I see his name. I wait. And I wait. Biting my nails. Itching to respond. Until I can’t take it anymore and I respond. Then…nothing. Crickets. FUCK HIM. I hate his motherfucking guts. I would kill his stupid cock if I could.
Who does he think he is????
I need to concentrate.