I received a lovely thoughtful reply this morning from Highland Park that included:

It is/was difficult for me becoming so close, wanting to allow myself the freedom actually to go there without reservation, but also sensing how incredibly damaging that could be, almost certainly would be.  I don’t the answer, if there is one, to that dilemma.  

Which sucks. But of course, I responded with some long drawn out pathetic email that I regret sending. I wish I could be pithy and flippant about it all. Have more of a sense of humor. At least he…oh fuck me. Who cares what he said or did. He is married. He is married. He is married. Move on!

Let go and move forward.

I am so fucking tired.

This morning I ran into an energy healer walking my dog on a trail in my neighborhood. He knows things. He helps me let go and heal. He told me to walk into ayahuasca with the intention of opening my heart and healing old family of origin wounds. He told me I was divine light. He told me to imagine gold light coming through my daughter’s head and surrounding her body. Healing her grief.

Then I spent two hours with another energy healer who gave me the history of the world. She told me I was a white winged archangel, and she was an Ancient. That there was a Maker, and they don’t really care about us. History is recorded but the future is uncertain. There was a great war. We are still killing ourselves. Some humans just plain suck. And some are cute. She only likes me because I amuse her. She said I knew things about her that people don’t usually know. I have a hard time believing that. She is pretty easy to read. But maybe I do have some strange gift of reading people. Do other people not sense what people are about? I can always call it. Except when sex is involved. Then I have no ability whatsoever. Apparently.

I don’t believe a word she said, but damn, it makes for an interesting story.

My trail healer, Fred, told me not to open my legs but to open my heart. It was time to fall in love with me.

Christa, the ancient angel healer woman, told me to meditate A LOT and to follow the white horse and only the white horse.

And I wonder why I am exhausted.

I walk into my ayahuasca ceremony tomorrow evening and walk out Sunday afternoon.

No rest for the wicked.

Although technically I am not wicked. I am an angel.A white one, to be exact.


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