I drove 2. 5 hours to Santa Barbara yesterday to see Tommy. 2.5 hours. That’s right.
I met him at his ceramics shop. As I pulled in he was walking out to meet me. Immediately I was upset that he had shaved. I was really looking forward to seeing him bearded.
Then I got out and hugged him. He wasn’t wearing deodorant and had smoked cigarettes. I was repulsed and wanted to get straight back in my car and drive home.
But I didn’t.
I proceeded to be super awkward and weird while I looked around his studio. Man, it was very “shop” ish. I smelled all these strong smells that were turning me off and trying to make sense of it all. We talked for awhile on his dilapidated couch in a dusty dirty studio with him trying to make sense of my standoffishness.
Then he suggested we go to the beach. And I told myself, why not, I drove all the way up here, maybe a swim will do me good. I can always go home after.
He took me to a beach that was filled with seaweed and was pretty janky, but the water was warm enough to swim and the second I saw him in his swimsuit and watched him dive in the ocean, I was reminded of where we came from, Laguna, and how we both grew up, and how we both love the ocean. I started feeling attracted to him again. His back hair didn’t even seem that big of a deal anymore.
We got out and went back to his shop where I took a shower and changed in the communal showers.
He asked if I wanted to see his land; the dome. I did. He said he would drive. I said I wanted to drive too. He did not like that. I was not sure I would stay. I went anyways. He could not find the grill to his tiny one person barbeque, so we searched his 13 acres. The land was sparse but beautiful.He made do with some steel piping that he laid across the fire. I compulsively ate too much to hide my anxiety. My stomach hurt. It was like camping. Sort of. His dome, once I could get to it across the rickety unfinished deck was warm and inviting for having no electricity or running water.
Once inside the dome, we smoked pot, we laughed, and we made out on his couch. I melted into him. Then we had sex all night. More like fucking. I lost count. Ten times or more. It was unreal. It felt good. He felt good. I still could not sleep. It was so quiet up there on his land. Peeing outside. I did not leave after all. But in the morning, I needed to go. Immediately. I left by 6am.
I felt as though I was escaping something as I rushed down the empty highway home.