Sean called me yesterday and told me that he could no longer see me after work because his son would be with him but that he wondered if I wanted to come over and have dinner with them? I ended up not having dinner with them, but the offer said so much. I cried all the way down to the workshop for Street Poets that I was running because I felt so vulnerable falling in love and putting the rape piece on Facebook. I didn’t speak to Sean when I was “in it” but after the workshop, where we unpacked vulnerability, I felt stronger and more resilient and able to tell him calmly and somewhat rationally what I had been feeling for the past 18 hours. He was sympathetic and sincere. Even told me I was “the best” for being so honest and real. That made me feel great. He is dropping by after his meeting tonight. I have Pony- but she will be asleep. I can’t wait to touch him. It’s the longest we’ve gone in 30 days and it feels long to me. I need to touch to feel connected. I really do.
Now I am considering not taking the street poets job and hanging out on a limb to see if I can get council and story tribe off the ground. I am terrified. I want to roll up into a little ball and weep. I want protection. Security. Stability. Support.
I graciously accept the infinite love of the universe.
God, please show me the way.
What would you have me be?
Where would you have me go?
What would you have me say, and to whom?