It’s been a rough day.
IRS. 4000 owed. Ouch.
Talk with co-facilitator about give and take turned into her telling me I was threatened by her. She is a woman of color. I am not.
I spoke to her again. Said that hurt me. She said it hurt her that I didn’t know the difference between Angela Davis and a woman whose name I can not pronounce.
I thought the workshop with the kids at the probation camp went great.
Afterward, she told me I was inappropriate with the boys.
I rescheduled with my brother because he wanted his “girlfriend” to come to dinner too. He has been in rehab for three months. I have not seen him. I wanted to not meet his girlfriend on the same day.
I had dinner at Sean’s.
His son, E, was showing me their History chest in the living room and there was a note from “Rebecca” with lipstick kiss saying that Sean was one “sexy devil” or something like that.
I am spinning out in PTSD from my Ex and all his Exes.
I feel like I am going to throw up.
I CAN NOT go through that again.
I can not.
I will not.
We drove two hours to see the wild poppies blooming in California after the heavy rain. It was E, P, Sean, and Me. Our first outing as a “family.” Besides Santa Barbara. The drive out was unremarkable. The Poppies were stunning. We stayed for 20 minutes and then I was done. P had allergies. I had anxiety. We could not find the place I wanted us to go to so we ended up simply pulling over to the side of the road and running amock there. Then others joined us. Then I got weird.
I felt weird.
We drove home. Sean was annoyed. I felt bad.